The majority of the population has been raised to believe that selflessness, kindness, forgiveness, and such are important virtues. While it's a fact that they are, what I and countless others weren't taught is that it's also important to put your needs before anyone else at all times. This may sound a bit crass and borderline uncivilized, but let's talk a bit about it.
If you constantly put other people's needs before your own, you'll realize soon enough that this is not the best model. You may have the best intentions at heart, but you're not a bottomless pit of goodness and positivity. Even the cheeriest and most easy-going ones among us have some moments of darkness, no matter how brief. If you don't put your needs first and make sure that your cup is full, you may soon run out of what to pour into other's cups.
You don't want to be like a black hole; once bright and full of life, but eventually dark and misunderstood. Because that's what happens when you put everyone else before you all the time. Sooner or later, you'll become empty and bitter when you realize that there's no one pouring into your cup despite you needing it. The worst part is that you'll earn the reputation of being the person to whom everyone can turn when they need something. This is an amazing reputation to aspire to, but it could leave you unable to keep up if you're not careful.
Are you a Chronic Giver?
It's hard to be unsure about whether you're a giver or not because the people around you will constantly be singing your praises if you're one. But there's imposter syndrome and general self-doubt to consider, so here's a short outline of some signs that could let you know whether you're a giver or not. If you fit the profile for all or most of the descriptions below, then you're quite likely a giver.
You'd Give the Shirt Off Your Back to Someone in Need
If you're someone who would gladly go hungry just to feed the next person, or you see no problem with sharing the minimal that you have, then bingo! This is an admirable trait, no doubt, but you should know that there's a limit to how much you can share. To put it bluntly, there's only so much that you can give without getting into trouble. As long as you can maintain this balance, you should be good. The problem with genuinely altruistic individuals, however, is that they can go overboard and give a lot more than they can reasonably spare. This could take the form of time, finances, or even space in your mind. Whatever it is, just make sure you don't take it further than you need to.
People Always Reach Out to You
Another sign that you're generous is if you find people always reaching out to you for one thing or the other. It could be that they're going through a rough patch and they need a listening ear, or they need help getting something done. If you're on speed dial for all your friends, some acquaintances, and even some enemies, this means you have no problem helping others even if it could come at a cost to you, and they know it. Again, this is a great way to be thought about, but it can leave you with less than you can survive on. You'll end up improving other's lives while your own suffers, and that's not the best way to live. Even if you have a kink or something...
You Listen to Everyone
You'll never turn anyone away, and you always answer your phone, return missed calls, and respond to text messages. No matter the time of day or mental state you're in, you can find some time to spare to listen to others and hear them out. This makes it easy for people to confide in you because they know that even if they don't get the advice or whatever else that they need, you'll listen to them and comfort them somehow.
You Tend to Go All In
Finally, there's no limiting you when it comes to how far you'll go to help someone in need. You simply won't quit on someone halfway, even if it becomes a problem for you. Rather than abandon them at a time when they need you, you prefer to skip your needs to tend to those of others first. This could look like spending long hours talking to someone either in person or on the phone while your bedtime slowly creeps away. It could also look like taking a loan to help someone pay a bill or two that they have, secure in the belief that they need the money more than you do.
You're Okay, But...
As a giver, you'll generally give a lot more than you take or expect from others. This is all good until you come across takers, who are your direct opposite. They're going to be around you whenever they need something, but will never reciprocate what they get. You could get drained pretty fast if you keep these takers in your life, so it's not a worthwhile situation to put yourself in. The longer you stay in such a situation, the harder it will get for you to leave. That's why you have to make sure that you learn about healthy boundaries and how to put them up.
Because givers have people-pleasing tendencies, it may be tough to put up a firm stand and tell people "no." That said, it's worth practicing so that you get better over time and therefore win your sanity and peace of mind back. The thing with takers is that they'll leave the moment they realize that they can't get anything out of you. This is good riddance to bad rubbish, so never feel sad that someone who used to talk to you on a daily basis suddenly has no time for you because you're no longer subject to their every whim.
While giving is a great way to feel amazing if this is your nature, it should be done smartly. When you become a smart giver, you won't compromise your quality of life or suffer for your kindness. In fact, you'll have a lot more to spare for the people who you decide to help in one way or another, making your life a lot more balanced and fulfilled.
